Let Me Be Your Hogmanay!

Oh man, this is late in coming! So sorry! Basically, I've been between deathly illness and having the time of my life. That's a very broad spectrum that doesn't allow for much time to write about my emotions, which is a big deal because everyone knows how much I love to write about my emotions. Well, now I have freshly clipped fingernails, and I'm ready to tell you what I think.

I spent Christmas in Kaspichan with Iliyan's family. It was so great to see everyone again. They're a big happy group that argue a lot and have sincere interest in whatever I'm trying to say. It's a great thing to be listened to. It's also a great thing to talk - and I'm good at it! In between my explanations of Obama's low approval ratings and questions about the effect of the crisis in Greece on Bulgaria, they took lots of liberties to ask me questions. In different settings, I kept getting asked why I was still single. I told them it was because half the women in Portland aren't interested in men, and it really limits my ability to meet anyone compatible. I'm really holding out for a woman that's looking for a man. This man:

They thought that was so hilarious and wanted to hear me say it again and again. I mean, I'm glad they found my misfortune entertaining, but I felt like I had to validate myself somehow. I explained that I had gotten four phone numbers in the last week from interested European women - and then, with muffled laughter, they wanted to know how many numbers I got in Portland... Hhhh...

As per Christmas Traditions in Kaspichan, there was a lot of work to get done. They had decided to kill two pigs this year! Just like the last two pig slaughters I attended, they dressed me up in thick, old clothes and took turns telling me that I have to kill the pig this year, but when the time came, they just told me to stand out of the way and take pictures. I have a bunch of photos, though, from the two other pig slaughters and I wasn't in the mood to photograph the same thing. I mean, it's disturbing, and it really isn't that much different each time. So I stood around in the cold and watched, until finally someone handed me a knife and said, "Get to work!" Woo hoo!

It was fun learning how to butcher a pig and being told that I did it perfectly! Ha! I could see the mistakes I was making, but they were all very encouraging and supportive the whole time. Plus I felt useful. I love feeling useful!

The main event for the Christmas holiday is, in fact, Christmas Eve. After the pig's been mostly processed, everyone gathers around the table for a feast. A giant feast! We ate and drank till it hurt! It was glorious! Then it was time for Santa to visit. Iliyan played the role of "Grandfather Christmas" this year and handed out presents to everyone. He was so drunk, though, that he was being ridiculous and everyone was laughing hysterically! I swore his mom was gonna have a heart attack!

His beard kept falling down, he was speaking with a crazy accent (Grandfather Christmas is from the Netherlands), and he was saying a bunch of wild things that had the adults failing to contain their laughter, and the one little girl confused between excitement and terror! It was really funny! Maybe I don't understand kids enough, but I couldn't believe that the child was so intimidated by him. She couldn't let go of her grandmother's hand! I guess he's about 5 times her size, and drunk, but Iliyan was in the room just 5 minutes earlier! I guess with a costume, and stage performance like this, none of us really knew what was going on. Finally, although he wanted to continue talking and soliciting songs from the kids, the old folks kicked him out and said all the other children were waiting for him. It was a pretty spectacular moment.

I was home for a few days after Christmas, before I was to head off to the UK for NYE. My apartment is a bit of a conundrum. It's brand new, made of all the finest plastic from China, yet there seem to be so many issues! For example, every time someone uses the elevator, the entire building loses electricity. I've kinda dealt with that, but on one specific night, the power would go out every 10 minutes or so. I was trying to download The Daily Show so it was really inconvenient. Finally, some guy came knocking on my door to tell me the power was going out. Thanks. I asked him why, in a new building, are there so many problems with the electricity? He explained to me that too many people are using electricity so I should turn some things off... I asked the same questions again and his response then was that the building was not permitted for inhabitants yet so the only electricity coming to the building was meant for the completion of construction. Great. I'm squatting. I asked when the building would be finished and he said, "Next year." Ah, Bulgaria.

With that, I packed my bags and headed to London! NYE was simply amazing! I met Tim Wade, my partner from Supercross08, and his wife, cousin, and sister in-law in London. We rented a giant mini-van that had nothing mini about it and road tripped our brains out to an unknown town in Northern England. The next day, we headed for good old Edinburgh - home of Hogmanay, an old Scottish word symbolizing the Viking gifts of fire, drinking, and explosions! This year, Hogmanay was only 3 days of events and celebrations, which were kicked off by a torch light procession that began in Parliament Square and wound through the old cute streets of Edinburgh to a place called Calton Hill. It was incredible to be in a march of torches, and looking out over the dark city seeing torches for miles! Very cool! To end of the procession, on Calton Hill, there was a giant firework show set to music and then a giant bonfire! It was sooo cool! And I was all kinds of giddy!


After some rest, it was time for the main event! New Year's Eve! My favorite holiday in the world! Oh man, I dyed my manly mustache blue and added white hash marks to symbolize the Scottish flag. People loved it!!! Some gals pulled on it a couple times, which didn't make me too happy, but they needed to see if it was real. We started out at our favorite little pub and then hit the streets.

Tim had his flask of fancy pants Scottish whiskey, but I'm not so excited about whiskey so I made myself a super dirty gin martini - the kind that really gets ya dancing! It got really warm in my jacket so it didn't taste very good at all by the time we made it down to the street party, but it sure did make me dance!

I danced my brains out! Pretty much all night - and I'm pretty sure I was amazing - I'm a great dancer! When it came time for the 10-count, I realized the effect of my dirty gin... I missed the first seven numbers, but managed to get in on the last three! And then there were fireworks! Huge, awesome, sky-covering fireworks! It was absolutely incredible! Five minutes after they stopped, the skies opened up and unleashed the most intense rain and wind ever! At this point, though, I couldn't really see so it didn't bother me, but everyone else wanted to go back to the pub. Tim put on his mad Scottish accent during our walk back (he was helping me walk) and mocked the weather, tempting a "real" storm! I could not stop laughing. My gut hurt more than ever before - I think my abs are getting really strong or something.

On the first day of 2012, we took the traditional hike up to King Arthur's Seat. It was dry, but no less windy - and very cold! Stayed long enough for a picture and then called it a day.

It was a super, super great NYE! Everything was perfect! Took a long road trip back to London via small country roads and then went out for Mexican! Mmmm! Here are more Hogmanay photos if you're dying to see! 

Got back to Varna to witness one of the most interesting holidays in Bulgaria: Jordonov Den - where young men prove their bravery by racing for a wooden cross that's been blessed by a priest and hurled into the water. It was a pretty big competition in Varna - and a pretty neat show! And it was sooo cold!

After the ceremony, a lot of people from the crowd collect water from the sea, or washed themselves with it. It's probably symbolic of something. Anyway, I finally did my first piece of real work! Delivered a ton of kids books to a children's hospital! So, see, I am doing some really helpful things over here!

Somewhere Over The Atlantic!

My reception in the Peace Corps office when I arrived in Bulgaria was a giant ego boost! My former language trainer tried to subtly ask me if I was on steroids, while the Peace Corps doctor pretty much accused me of being on them, and gave me a health schpiel about how they're destroying my kidneys and liver! One of the Americans on staff just said I look the same except I'm much bigger, like I'd spent a lot of time at the gym. I'm sure there's a cultural diplomacy difference to be addressed with all that, but I'd rather address the fact that no one said anything about my awesome mustache! Well, until I got to Varna, where everyone asks me if I'm from Texas.

In Varna, I had to wait a few days for my counterpart, Iliyan, to return from a summit in Brussels on transparency in eurofunds for Bulgaria. I asked him what I should do until he gets back and he told me to exercise! =) I arrived to beautiful weather and made use of it by reacquainting myself to my old home.

Guy taking a break from the day with 1.5 liters of wine and the company of Old St. Nick, the giver of fish!

Gal filling up her old water bottle with some stank mineral water that tastes like rotten dragon eggs.

My apartment is amazing compared to last year. It's brand new and no one has ever lived there before. I really like the cleanliness, but the construction methods leave a bit to be desired. While everything is new, most of it is cheap Chinese crap. I broke the toilet seat on my first sit, and I burned out the light bulb in my entry-way before the end of the second day. Nevertheless, it's quiet, clean, safe, and pretty much perfect.

In actively striving to make the most out of my time here, I decided to host some guests for my first Friday night. I love being a guest, and I love hanging out with people, but it's another matter entirely to host guests in Bulgaria. Here, the host has the responsibility of making sure that there's enough food and drink for everyone, that everyone's glass is always full, that the temperature is just right, that everyone's having a good time, etc. It's more along the lines of being a server at a restaurant than simply hanging out with your good friends. But it's still a very good time - especially with such great people! Helene, the French gal with whom I used to volunteer in 2006; Darina, the woman from whom I asked for 10 children for a project, but my Bulgarian accidentally said that I wanted to make 10 children with her; Nora, the gal who teaches me most of my Bulgarian slang; and Aaron and Sara, a young married couple who are currently serving volunteers in Varna.In the middle of our fun, Darina endearingly called me a "fucker" or at least that's the closest translation we could find. Aaron and Sara, not knowing me very well, and wanting to learn more Bulgarian, did some research on the word in the following days. Someone told them that it meant, "a guy who has lots of sex with lots of women." Pretty literal, I guess. Later in the week, I was expressing my concern to Iliyan that I think these two were getting the wrong impression of me. He pointed to the wall where he keeps a collection of Bulgarian proverbs. The one he pointed to translates to something like this: "Everyone can be a hero. It just depends on how his friends talk about him." Not quite the consolation I was looking for, although he insisted it was a great compliment.

My first day in the office was more of a reunion than a productive day of work. Iliyan called me around 10am and said, "Are you coming to the office?" =) We "caught up" for the first hour or so and then opened a bottle of a whiskey. We talked and joked a bit more and then migrated towards our computers.In attempting to be consistent with Bulgarian traditions, I brought a box of liquor-filled chocolates with me to work. Typically, when someone gets something new, or has a birthday or whatever, they "treat" their colleagues or friends with some kind of chocolate. So, I walked around all day saying a rough equivalent to congratulations on your Andrew, and handed out treats!

My first day of work just happened to be International Volunteer Day, and their just happened to be a big party after work. Iliyan and I headed there with one of his friends. I had no idea what to expect; all I knew was there would be food and drink. For the first hour, the entire hour, two announcers took turns announcing peoples names to come forward and receive a gift package. I tried to keep clapping, but when volunteers went forward two, and three, times, I was done. When the food and the drinking commenced, I found myself extremely uncomfortable.The girl to guy ratio was about 3:1, all the food and drink was free, and there was a DJ playing rock music that slowly changed into pop as the night progressed. This is pretty much a recipe for a great time! The problem: everyone was 15 or 16 years old... And that's just the beginning of my discomfort. They started playing games.One game involved some gal running around the room with a pen writing letters on everyone's hands. Then an MC would try to line up their hands so a word was spelled. All the words were somehow related to sex. Rough sex, hard sex, strong sex, etc. And they thought it was so funny! They were really having a good time. I got out of it with my good ole faithful standby excuse: I'm allergic. I can practically get out of anything with that. And no one ever questions it! Thank you, ignorance!After a while, though, I started dancing and having a blast - even when a drunk Portuguese guy tried to steal my dancing partner.This first week has been super great! This is going to be the best winter ever!

Grow Your Hair Out And Get A Real Cause!

For the better part of my thinking years, I have been philosophically opposed to bogus, manipulative, and superficial organizations like Locks of Love. Why should we teach our diseased youth that they are anything but beautiful as they are? Why should we validate society's grotesque portrayal of beauty by propagating an insidious desire for long, luxurious hair? Well, it turns out that someone close to me started wearing a wig recently and its effects were profound.

When I was four years old, I pointed at a man next to me in the grocery store and said, "Mom, he's bald." You know, in case she didn't notice. I've always been a great observer, and I've always enjoyed sharing my observations with folks who may not be as gifted. Later in life, I learned that the balding phenomenon didn't just randomly happen at the store. It's just another part of life, as natural as a long haired hippie, or lopping off a finger in a terrible gardening accident. Unfortunately, while being a hippie might get you high, and losing a digit might get you some time off from work, losing your hair just gets you pity, if any attention at all. I'm not saying that the aura of every bald guy is desolate, it's just that this particular situation sure seems like a giant source of insecurity. And if there's anything I learned in grad school, it's that insecurity is not known for the number of smiles it generates. So, my friend sported a fancy new wig that brought about a little bit of comfort. And we all know what comfort does; it makes us smile!

I decided to embrace this new perspective, and diversify my eternally continuing efforts to infect the world with smiles. What I mean, of course, is that I embarked on a path to rocker hair. Not just to have it, but to rock it! And then donate it. I wasn't too excited at first, though, as everyone knows, I'm typically a clean cut guy.

But after a year of glorious growth, I look good. I mean, really good! Like, I can't get over how good looking I am! My shiny, flowing, golden locks are magnificent! I mean, the longer they get, the better I look! Last month, I specifically remembering thinking, "Gee wiz, I don't think I'm gonna be able to look any better than this." But then, this month, I look way better! I can barely wait to see myself next month! Some unhappy little kid is surely gonna get their frown turned upside down!

So far, this has been a really easy project. All I have to do is not get a haircut, and not stand close to burning things. Since it's not too much of a burden to occupy my head with Locks of Love, I decided I could probably handle another project and occupy my face with another cause called Movember! This one is in honor of a family member who kicked cancer's ass!

Movember is a campaign to raise funds and awareness of cancers that affect men. It involves growing a very manly mustache during the month of November. As a participant in this movement, my mustache is a fantastic icebreaker to recruit supporters who will either follow this link to donate: My hair is truly amazing, or will learn something new from my giant man-brain. Or both.

Men's health is awesome, in case you didn't know, and it's also something that is not readily prominent in society. Everyone knows about breast cancer! Breasts are also awesome, and although they are prominently displayed all over the place, they have also had an amazing marketing campaign for cancer awareness. But did you know that 1 in 2 men will be diagnosed with cancer in their lifetime? For women, it's 1 in 3. In fact, the average life expectancy of a man is five years less than a woman. Did you also know that testicular cancer is the most common cancer in American males between the ages of 15 and 34! I'm still in that age range! If those numbers don't blow your mind, take a look at this: A third of the 571,950 cancer deaths expected to occur this year, will be related to obesity, physical inactivity, poor nutrition and thus could be prevented!

So, here's the thing: Be healthy! Exercise! Eat good food! Find a smile and pass it along! These are really easy things that seem to be eclipsed by laziness and delicious chemicals. But we have to not look directly at the laziness or the chemicals, or we'll lose sight of something super important - our health! It's a great time, right now, to organize your New Year's Resolution, and I would love for everyone to commit to being awesome and healthy. I know it can be intimidating, but if that bald guy can walk around grocery stores with kids pointing at him all the time, surely you can muster up the courage to work out and eat right! Or donate to a great cause: Movember!

Всичко Води Към Мен!

My final day finally came. Saying goodbye in Bulgaria is not something that I'm used to and I'm pretty ignorant of the cultural courtesies. I hate knowing that I'm ignorant in a particular situation, it's so much more uncomfortable and nowhere near bliss. And I love bliss!

I went to work early thinking I would simply invite people for a drink after work to say goodbye. Well, I learned that they were closing the library early on my last day so everyone could go out to lunch! I couldn't believe they were actually closing the library to say goodbye to me! I had no idea that I had made such an impact on these people! And it felt so, so special! Come lunch, everyone congregated near the exit and I was on cloud 9! I was lost in thought, trying to think of things to say and how to express my deep gratitude! All the different connections I had made with people, the moments we'd shared, the friendships we'd found; it was all so great – and so unfortunate to be ending. I hate saying goodbye. I told my counterpart that I couldn't believe that they were closing the library and she said, “We always close the library and go to lunch on International Women's Day.”

Crap.

Well, I certainly let my ego run away with itself on that one... Once I realized the focus was not on me, but on all the women of the library, I relaxed a bit. We went to lunch and made toasts to women and celebrated their existence. Women, after all, are pretty neat! But then, they shocked me and made a big speech about how much they enjoyed me! I tried to reciprocate but I was lost for words. I was pretty surprised at how much they did for me. “Don't you remember your arrival?” my counterpart asked. She was right. They did a ton of wonderful things for me even before they knew me! It has all been so very flattering, and I wish I was able to express exactly how much I appreciate them. This really has been a wonderful experience!

None of the following were eventful enough to fill an entire post, but they're definitely worth sharring. So enjoy some bits and pieces of these short 3.5 months.I keep hearing that the economic crisis didn't hit Bulgaria as hard as the rest of the world because its society hasn't switched to a credit based society like in the States. Then I heard another explanation that was pretty interesting. "Bulgaria's economy has been in a crisis for 20 years. If that's all we know, why should this new crisis affect us any differently?" It was another sobering reminder of how good we have things in the states - even with an economic crisis.I got a big piece of redemption over dinner with my former colleagues in Varna. It was like old times, meeting up and cooking a big feast; eating and drinking the night away. I learned that my former counterpart has been working with several other organizations on a really, really big project and he said he owed it all to me! He was referring to an older project that he didn't want to do because he was ashamed of his English. I spent weeks trying to manipulate him into going - saying at the very least, it was a free vacation! He ended up going and presenting very well - so well that they're still working together!I was working out with a guy who used to break peoples' legs for defaulting on mafia loans. He was telling me that there were some gypsy guys in the gym and that they were less than people. "They look like people, but they're not." I responded with, "Man, that's a lot of hate..." and let it be for the moment. Later in the workout, I couldn't get passed my 5th rep on one exercise and said that's all I've got, and he told me I was being too negative.I was collecting recipes from the landlord's wife. Her daughter was translating everything for me. One of the ingredients was aspirin. She stopped translating for a second, looked up and asked, "Do you have aspirin in the US?" Don't know which is funnier - her question or that aspirin is an ingredient!

On the topic of food, my landlord told me, "It's one thing to have sex with a man, and it's another thing to use a vibrator." He continued by encouraging me to make all my own food for at least a year so I could know the difference.There are two large windows that get opened in the library every day for ventilation. It makes me crazy because I'm here for energy efficiency and environmental education - focusing primarily on how to heat the building. When I asked why they were opened daily, I was told that it was for ventilation. Okay, I understand this, but offered that during the winter I think it would be adequate to only leave them open once a week. The response: "No. Some of the people that come here don't bathe enough."A young girl waited for me outside the library one night because she wanted to practice her English. This is not so common because there aren't so many people that speak English here. Immediately after introductions, I asked her if she was a high school student or a university student. She said she's taken university classes but hasn't finished. I asked why not, and she started to cry!When I see this sculpture, it's strikingly obvious to me that it's a communist cow. However, The reoccurring answer I got when I asked Bulgarians what it was: "It's art. No one knows what it's supposed to be." According to the artist, it's the lunar landing module.

Over a dinner conversation we were dicussing different funny idioms. I was explaining "spits or swallows" and the gal there said, "It depends if I'm hungry." The conversation went on to discuss chemicals in the water making male frogs feminine and that must be why there are so many gay people now: it's something in the water. Somehow, the conversation shifted to NASA. I was asked if I knew that NASA spent more than one billion USD for the development of a space pen that could write in zero gravity? I didn't. My friend then went on to say that after the Cold War, the USA asked the Russians how they solved the zero gravity pen problem and they said, "We use the pencil."I spent my last evening in Silistra, drinking with my landlord, Данчо Манчо – no other place I'd rather be. And as always, it was a ton of fun. As much as I try to describe how great my time is with the Peace Corps and in Bulgaria, I can never quite express exactly how I feel, or exactly how wonderful it's been. It makes me think of a phrase Данчо taught me that has become something of call for fun: Пиенето чисто, мацито голо. Literally, it means, clean drinks and naked ladies. The deeper meaning is: if you want to know the alcohol you're drinking, don't mix it with anything; and if you want to know your lady, you can't know her until she's naked. I find it awfully fitting for my Peace Corps experience in Bulgaria – you can't really know it unless you've been here and done it. While I can't bring home an adequate description of what these last few months have meant to me, I can bring home this glorious smile!

Like A Bag Over Troubled Water!

I came to Bulgaria to volunteer at a regional library; to design a long-term program that enhanced library involvement in sustainable community dynamics, focusing on environmentally friendly practices for libraries and beyond. As clear as that sounds, I still had a bit of difficulty understand exactly what their expectations were.

One day, I was horsing around on the internet and I got caught watching The Story of Bottled Water. My counterpart told me that if I wanted, I could make a presentation to the library staff about my work back home, or my environmental expertise. “We are librarians,” she said, “we like to learn new things.” With that, a bunch of pieces of my puzzled endeavors starting fitting together, one after another.

I decided that I would combine the message against the ludicrous idea of bottled water with the noble movement against disposable plastic bags in order to create a full on campaign against plastic pollution. I utilized stuff from presentations back home and things I'd learned in my hippie days. I chose two of my favorite internet videos and painstakingly began translating their text in order to embed Bulgarian subtitles. When I was nearly complete, I wrote to the producers and asked their permission to use their videos for my project. They were both supportive of what I was doing, but one of them said, by the way, we already have Bulgarian subtitles for the video! Wish I had asked earlier...

As the presentation developed, I started seeing how much the community needed to be aware of these ideas. Water from the tap is fine to drink here, but everyone is afraid of it. Plastic bags are liberally given out at every store – even when you insist on not wanting any. So, it made tons of sense to form a campaign against these products, the biggest contributors to plastic pollution in the world's oceans.

My first presentation was to the library staff. They heard me loud and clear, but I wasn't impressed until I realized the impact I had made. I was told they felt guilty for buying bottled water and taking plastic bags from the store instead of using cotton ones that they had at home. I wasn't shooting for a guilt trip, but I certainly appreciated the motivation to be environmentally responsible. The director liked my presentation so much that she organized a 2nd grade class to come view it.

Their teacher asked if I could try to be engaging somehow. Ha! She's obviously never heard of my legend. She also asked if the kids could do some kind of arts and crafts with plastic bags. I told her absolutely not, and reiterated my message of NOT using plastic bags or water bottles!

I prepped and prepped for the presentation, as it was to be in Bulgarian and had to be on the level of 2nd graders this time – not my librarian colleagues with their mandatory master's degrees.Despite my best efforts, as the kids sat down, they started pulling out plastic bags from their backpacks as their teacher had instructed. There were literally hundreds of them. And I was sooo pissed off!I tried not to let it get to me as I got into presentation mode. And then I began. It was awesome! I held their attention for an hour and a half!A big group of 7 and 8 year olds – listening to me – for 1.5 hours!!!They loved it, and so did I!I was so happy with myself that I asked my counterpart to find me more kids. I ended up giving several more presentations in the library and even making guest appearances in some schools! It was a lot of fun and I really think I inspired some people!
Below is what I've submitted for my accomplishments during my service this time around:

• Established an outline for environmental programs to be hosted by the library, including topics on climate change, alternative energy, environmental stewardship, pollution and recycling, and leading by example with green practices. Communicated with national and international NGOs who offered to be guest lecturers at the library to present on these topics to the community.
• Created a PowerPoint presentation about the environmental burdens of plastic pollution and importance of alternatives to disposable plastic bags and water bottles. He presented it to six different groups, reaching 150 people, ranging from second grade classes to adults. Speaking to his mastery of integration, three of the presentations were in Bulgarian, and three were in English. The presentation contained photos and facts that inspired discussion and learning. It also contained two short internet films that required team-building collaboration with library colleagues to translate. With permission from the films' producers, the films were uploaded to the library's website. His superior teamwork abilities were again demonstrated by creating an informational brochure, with colleagues, which contained the most important takeaway messages from the presentation. He then instructed his Bulgarian counterpart on how to give the presentation so as to continue the message of environmental stewardship and responsible practices.
• Procured a donation of water filters from BRITA, which are to be used as demonstrations in future presentations and as rewards for volunteers who help with the library's environmental actions.
• Developed a plan to increase the energy efficiency of the library by utilizing alternative energies, improving insulation, installing proper ventilation, altering work practices, and implementing a recycling program.
• Collaborated with the Head of the Energy Efficiency Department in the Silistra Municipality to solidify plans and details for installing solar panels on the library to produce energy and generate revenue for the use of an eco-heat pump. Also worked together to determine the most energy efficient way of delivering that heat to the various rooms of the library.
• Applied for award recognition from the European Union in an energy efficiency competition for accomplishments and future plans of the library.
• Organized participation by 50 students from three local schools in an international essay contest, and proctored the competition for four different groups.
• Demonstrated cultural delicacy, supreme diplomacy, and an affinity for diversity by actively participating in 12 official and unofficial, local and national cultural events.