Me, Mysunburn & I

I've experienced some epiphanal moments this last week. It started with dining alone and finished with a sunburn. So, to inform folks back home on what a sunburn is, I thought I'd tell a little story about how I continue to develop as a magnificent person.

I went to a cafe for breakfast, alone, and sat there to read a book! Whaaaaat?! Obviously this is out of character for me. I don't like reading and I don't do things alone on account of my insecurities. I usually get uncomfortable when everyone around me is constantly watching every move I make. And, I'm acutely aware of everyone's stares, even when I turn my head to catch them and they pretend to not be intently studying me at that particular moment by acting like they're engaged in whatever conversation they've put on for show. They can't fool me, though. I know they're judging me. But, I'm exploring new territory south the equator, so I went to a bar to try it again, just to make sure. Had a beer, alone, and read my book! I felt invincible!

Two days later, I went to the most amazing place, Coogee beach! The sand paled in comparison to Oregon beaches. Paled in that it was much less impressive, not that it was whiter, cause it wasn't. Oregon is the best and whitest. In terms of its beaches, I mean. But the water at Coogee was the best water I've ever been in - anywhere! The temperature was perfect - warm enough that I could stay in and splash around for hours without getting cold, but cool enough that it was still refreshing to be in it, away from the hot, breezy air. It felt perfect! It also looked perfect.

The water was clear - like, super clear. I could see to the bottom everywhere I was, as if I was standing in air. I could see beautifully refracted light (from the sunny day) coming through each giant wave that pummeled me in the surf. The waves were big, bigger than Oregon's, and they were so much fun! It was like the perfect water you'd see on the travel channel, or a travel brochure, or written about in a book by a real writer - except this wasn't on a screen or in a book - it was on me! I was in it! I was splashing around and giggling so hard that I was getting weird looks from the other tourists who were there just to watch me. I know, they were playing around, too but that was just an act. I could tell by how much they sucked at catching waves. I bodysurfed the crap out of those waves and no one else could figure it out, even though they pretended to try. In fact, one little girl just stood there, "crying and screaming" for her parents, I mean, observing me. Amateurs. Anyway, I kept catching awesome waves, and splashing about, and giggling until I felt things start to hurt. I thought maybe it was a jellyfish sting on my scalp and shoulders but changed my mind after one of the other tourists said, "you're looking a little red there, chief." Well, I don't play in the waves with racists so I left.

When I had arrived to the beach, I took my shirt off, giving everyone a show. I rubbed on my 50 SPF sunscreen while smiling and staring back at everyone else. Not weird at all. But when I got home to wash the sea off my body and out of my still-crying eyes (it was really salty), I felt a terrible sting!

They say that direct sunshine-to-skin contact is a common way for a sunburn to occur. That logic seems sound, as I had been exposing my shoulders to the world for the entire day. And when I looked in the mirror, I was red like a tomato. Or a cooked lobster. Everyplace that wasn't covered seems to be in pain. It's a pain I would definitely associate with the word burning. When I touch myself, I feel hot, which is validating because I tell people I'm hot all the time. I've been applying aloe vera, which feels great - but then I'm sticky, which is not so great. I expect this will pass, but I'm bored while waiting. Bored and hidden because I don't feel like going back out into public. Really, I just don't want to put clothes on, but that means I probably shouldn't go outside. I'll not forget my newfound skills of dining and drinking alone, but I should wait till the pain stops before I continue with that adventure. And that's what a sunburn feels like. #ouch

End of the Month Update
I went back to Coogee beach for another sunburn today. 4th sunburn in 5 weeks. The water conditions weren't as magnificent as last time. Each wave was filled with seaweed. Well, there's never been a weed that's ever slowed me down (okay, one in particular slows me down a lot...) so I got right into that water, determined to have fun! And by "right into" I mean that I watched the lifeguards make three saves before I had the nerve to give it a try. Those waves were pounding people, and there were stinging jelly fish that were paralyzing people, and there was sooo much seaweed - but it was time for my date with fun.

I was complaining about the seaweed right out of the gate. It was like floaty sandpaper that wrapped itself around my legs and inhibited my fluidity in the water. I came in and out of the water several times throughout the day, trying to dodge the seaweed - and failing.

After I was significantly sunburned, I called it a day and headed out. Stopped at the public bathroom to take a leak. Posted up between two lads at opposite ends of the big, stainless steel, trough-style urinal and pulled out my package. Well, the whole damn thing was covered in bits of seaweed and sand! So, I start shaking it around to try to get everything off. To and fro and all about, but it was really stuck on there. Had to start rubbing it off with the other hand until I realized how I must have looked to the other guys. You know, really going at it - with two hands and all! Ugh. Oops. Did my thing while using my wishing skills to remove the bits and pieces instead of physics. But, my wishing skills suck ass. Shook a bit more, until my humility was at its max capacity, and before putting everything away, I noticed a big piece of something caught in the secret-underpants-lining of my swim-trunks. I pull the waist-band way out to get a better look. As I'm staring inquisitively at my crotchular area, I see a big ass piece of seaweed, hanging out in there like it owns the joint. So I reach in with the other hand and pull it out. Threw it into the urinal - right next to my modesty.

I kind of made myself sound too awesome at beginning of this post, so I decided to add this update to the story. You know, to balance things out a bit.